I think it is time I move on. I’m better off without. But a selfish part of me still isn’t ready, not ready for him to let go. Maybe I do want to move on, maybe you could say I already have. Truth is I’m not ready for him to move on. A selfish part of me still wants him to always be there, even when I know I don’t want him. He doesn’t deserve to know he can move on though. He doesn’t deserve answers. Not anymore. I now know I deserve far much better. And better is exactly what I intend to get.

I’m so completely disgusted by the people around me. I can’t be around these people. I’m just so upset that I’ve been constantly lied to. I look SO stupid, to EVERYONE. I hate this, I hate him for doing this to me, I hate myself for allowing this to happen. Looking back now on how I tried so hard to make things work, just makes me feel even more stupid. I was trying for someone who was not worth a second of my time.

I really am the biggest fool. How could I be so stupid and blind. Why did I choose for so long not to see this? I was right not to trust you. I knew exactly what happened when it did, but I just let it be covered up with lies. How was a in a relationship for 2 years with him when he did all of that? I was at a loss for words after finally hearing the truth. There was no remorse in how he told me, he’s not sorry at all for what he has done. I know this was not my fault. In no way what soever should I blame myself. Only thing I can blame myself about is not trusting my own gut feeling. After finally hearing this truth, I don’t know what I feel really. I don’t want to forgive him, not this time, he doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. He doesn’t deserve me. I want revenge but at the same time I don’t. I don’t want to sink to that level and do things with people who mean nothing to me. Although that never stopped him. I don’t even know why I am acting so damn surprised when I knew this the whole time. Why didn’t I just trust my feelings and been done with this from the first time he did me wrong. I knew the truth the entire time, just refused to believe it. And that was just the stupidest thing I have ever done. I can’t go back this time, not after this. Words can not describe the hate I have for him now. Nothing he can do can ever make me forgive him for this.